Or is it?’
I don’t really like labels, so I don’t really call myself a “feminist.” I do believe in equality, but I also believe in cultivating our differences.
I never liked having women psychologists, because I feel they get too emotionally invested, and as the patient, I prefer a more objective perspective. Men are better at some things. Women are better at other things. In order to truly have equality, I believe we, as women, need to stop trying to BE men, and instead embrace what makes us women. Why being a woman is strong. Not that we can be exactly like men and think like men, but that we can be and think like women and have that be GOOD.
Often people ask, “Is it difficult being a female comedian?” Or sometimes, “Is it difficult being a cute female comedian?” One time a fellow comic actually asked, “Is it difficult being an attractive female comedian?” to which I responded, “Honestly, yes it is sometimes.” And he said, “Well….you’re not THAT hot tho…” RUDE!
The other night I had a show, and a guy said, “You’re funny…I was surprised.”
Tonight I had a show, and the bartender, seeing me jotting down notes in my notebook asked (with a look of condescending disbelief), “Are YOU getting up there tonight?” “Yes.” “Are you nervous?” “No!”
But also, I love being a woman in the boy’s club. I often find myself in rooms or bars or shows where I am the only woman with a group of guys and I, more than often, feel completely included and respected by them. You show up enough, and they’re like, “Oh I guess she’s here to stay,” and they start treating you like an equal. Whereas, often women will size each other up and never speak to each other once, even if they cross paths on a weekly basis.
I fear that so many female comedians hailed as “heroes” of the feminist agenda, are perpetuating the problem of women trying to BE men, instead of just being WOMEN. Their acts are often way dirtier than even some male acts, because they know it works, and it’s the path of least resistance on the road, especially. Often they will be different versions of women on stage as opposed to off stage. They will make themselves out to be sluttier and dirtier than they actually are to gain acceptance.
I wish female comics would talk more about vulnerability and about the impact easy sex has had on our society. How young girls are exposed to “great female role models” saying, “Yes go ahead and f*** like men. We can be just like men!” How Instagram is making it acceptable for thousands of young girls/women to basically objectify their own bodies in exchange for shallow, virtual validation. Then, women wonder why men don’t treat us better. It’s because we don’t treat ourselves better. Women’s bodies used to be sacred: in art, in love, in sex. And now we think it’s “liberation” to demand that “we can show off our nips too!” Why do we want that? Nudity is no longer brave at all. It’s barely even interesting, because it’s become so expected and commonplace. That is not equality.
I just challenge feminists to take a closer look at what they actually want. Yes, I want to be treated with respect by men in the workplace. Yes, I think a woman CAN be president. Yes, I think women should be paid equal to men. But, no I don’t think women should be as detached about sex or their bodies as men. And I want to see women being women with all of their sensitivity, maternal instincts, warmth, and vulnerability that make great lovers and mothers and friends.
And if I have a daughter, I want her to look up to smart, classy female comedians who write smart jokes about who they really are, and not what will get an easy laugh.
I guess maybe I’ll have to do it myself.